And now for something completely… the same.

Shit.  Not to throw our worthless eHarmony party into a tailspin, but I think you’ll come to love the new addition to this blog.

See, 2 days ago I was suckered into joining another single’s meeting site — Tinder.  Some of you are rolling your eyes already, but let me quickly catch the other folks up to speed to my 48 hour training.  The rest can scroll down to the unreasonable images.

Tinder is an app for your phone using very easy concept.  It shows you a photo of a guy and if you like him, you swipe the photo right, if you pass, you swipe left (we’ll become very familiar with that left swipe, trust me) and it shows you the next guy to decide on. 

Now some people can write a short blurb or have up to 6 photos (viewable at the “i” button), but that’s it.  There’s no matching on the 29 dimensions bullshit eHarmony boasts, but it’s free and simple, and only shows their name, age, and how far they live from your city.  Oh, you can screw down how far you’re willing to date.  Mine is set to 50 miles, since eHarmony has already shown me no normal human male lives within the borders of Los Angeles.

Now, if you “liked” or hearted the guy and he did the same to you before you saw his profile, it tells you you’re now matched and you can send texts to each other through the app or not.  If he sees your picture 2 days after you hearted him, and he hearts you, it still matches you guys and sends you a notification.  You don’t know looking at the picture if they have looked at you yet or hearted you unless you heart them and they already hearted you or heart you later.  Each “match” only gets on chance and you can’t skip and come back.  Got it?

As this fine specimen writes, when you see any other photos or their text, you then have to use the buttons on the top.

You can’t chat with the person unless both hearted, so I hear guys heart everyone just in case and apparently there’s an issue with prostitution profiles, but since I’m not a prostitute (yet) maybe I’ll be the cream of the crop.  Ok, maybe I could’ve picked a better phrase, but let’s move on and get to the Tinder guys!

I’d love to say it’s an oasis of mentally stable, articulate men that don’t test your gag relflex upon first glance, but then… my ridiculous love life wouldn’t be so entertainingly crappy for all of you.

Clearly, these guys using a 1 photo hookup site are willing to put in some effort, right?

OK, maybe not, but they are probably better dressed?

Well, at least they’re clothed?

I really do apologize about that last one. 

At least they aren’t showing off their exes or prostitutes.

Wrong again.  Well, maybe the Tinder guys are more sober?

This next guy has 6 photos of only drinking and jumping off shit, which I believe contributed to his hand job in the third photo.

OK, so all that booze must put them in a better mood.

It’s like Tinder “goes up to 11.”

But it wouldn’t be a fair assessment of the hookup site if I didn’t show you a couple of the promising hot hookups (no strings attached sex seekers) waiting for you on Tinder:

Yes, let’s.  Not.  So, what does this promising Beverly Hills housesitting stallion look like?

Now before you get your hopes too high that your new scandelous adventure is one of those young, soap-opera worthy hotties, here’s the only photo this horndog posted that isn’t a group shot with his hot-friend bait:

Yikes.  I already passed just on the text alone, but hopefully the rest of you are now with me.  If I was going to give it up to a total stranger, he better look like a movie star and not a creature feature.

He’s not the only troll trying to get under your bridge.

Benefits can be good.  I like a good, solid eye care plan that covers transition lenses myself, but let’s see what he thinks he has to offer:

Seriously?!  Do women see that photo and take the bait?!  Personally, I shuddered that he is only 28 miles from my home and looking to bone anyone he comes across.  I may never leave the house again.

So… that’s Tinder in a nutshell.  For future posts, you will now see a mix of eHarmony and Tinder photos.  I am accruing more photos than I am posting, but luckily for you, my dating life doesn’t seem to be getting in the way, so sit back and enjoy my failures…