In honor of my friend getting obliterated drunk and making a complete ass of herself at a sweet and intimate wedding last night, I thought it was time to share the next category — drunkards.
I’m no puritan. I’ve thrown up with the best of them… It’s just that when putting yourself out there for mate selection, you’d think it would be common sense to perhaps minimize just what a sloppy mess you are.
For the record, bellowing out, “She doesn’t even love him!” at a wedding with your entire breast hanging out of your dress may take the white chocolate raspberry wedding cake, but here’s the male equivalent:
Whoever this guy is, he sure knows how to make a room spin, but he’s not the only match that has never taken a sober photo:
That’s commitment to the craft of liver damage.
Just as in drinks, there are many and varied shades of drinkers. Some like to forego photos of themselves and just post booze shots:
The fruit arrangement alone could spark hours of speculation.
Some like you to see them in the act of drinking:
That was his only photo. I see the alcohol more than him! Then there’s this guy:
And some like you to see them at their drunken sloppiest:
He should’ve been my friend’s date to the wedding last night. They both appear sloshed in formal-wear with full nipple exposure.
I only include this guy because in his very brief profile, he mentioned wine 5x.
And I can smell the alcohol just looking at this guy:
This topic wouldn’t be complete without giving potheads a brief honorable mention:
Oh, there will be more, but for now… there is your tasting. Discard any unwanted men into the brass bucket and take a stroll through the gift shop while waiting for your party bus to pick you up.
I'd rather die alone than date these guys. 